5 tactics to dating a waiter

The world is saturated with dating advice.

All it takes is a quick Google search and one is inundated with Cosmo articles and blog posts about “When to say the big L word” and “How to know if he’s the one”. Which is all well and good, but it’s all stuff we've read over and over again, and it’s really no big news anymore. What we need is real world advice on how to cope with unusual relationship circumstances.

I wasn't able to find any good, relevant information on dating a waiter. I've seen my fair share of advice on how to pick up a waiter or waitress, how to schmooze them, get their number, etc.; but nothing on actually sustaining a relationship with them.

I've been dating my waiter for a few months now, and while the relationship is still fairly new, I've been able to come up with some nuggets of advice for anyone looking to keep the relationship alive.

Get used to their schedule.

Those in the service industry work offbeat hours. They may work early morning, late at night, graveyard, or a combination. Fridays and Saturdays are typically the busiest nights of the week, and therefore the most profitable, so your waiter is usually going to be working and not available for Date Night. The fact of the matter is, if you have a regular 9-5er, you two are likely not going to have matching schedules. It’s been my biggest complaint and my biggest challenge so far. I sometimes go an entire week without seeing him, and that SUCKS. However, we make it work by really putting forth an effort to make time for each other. I’ll go over to his house after he’s off work at 11, knowing full well I need to be up at 6 to go to work and that I’m going to be dead tired the next day. He lugs his overnight bag on the train for his full hour commute to work on weekends, just so he can come see me after. Conflicting schedules require communication, inconvenience at times, and a little bit of sacrifice on sleep.

Don’t visit them at work.

Oh, it’s tempting. Trust me, I know. You haven’t seen them in a week, why not grab a friend and head down to the restaurant so you can see your sweetie in action? Here’s why: your person is absolutely at their worst when they are working. They are stressed out, in a hurry, distracted, and irritable. The last thing they need is the added pressure of knowing you are seeing them this way. Imagine them sitting and watching while you get lectured by your boss or screamed at by a customer. Even if you don’t sit in their section, they might feel like you expect them to talk to you even though they don’t even have a second to shove some food in their mouths.

Get your own hobbies.

This is a bit of a piggyback on the first rule. A lot of your life as the significant other to a server is lived waiting. Waiting for them to wake up (If they work nights), waiting for them to get off work (most of the time they can’t use their phones during their shifts), just waiting a LOT. Find a hobby or an activity you can do in the meantime to distract you. Especially at first, when the relationship is still new and you don’t live together. People in new relationships tend to get so absorbed into each other that they forget that they are their own individual person. Keep a hold of your identity, and find stuff to do while you are waiting for them. I've caught myself just holing up in my room while he works, not doing anything productive, and just waiting. I've had to pull myself out of it from time to time and call up a friend or go shopping… something… anything. This will help you retain your independence, and in turn will make your relationship stronger because you are not relying on the other person to make you happy.

Don’t take it personally.

Everybody has bad days at work, and waiters are no exception. The only difference is bad days in a restaurant are a special level of hell. Your person will most likely come home in a piss poor mood every single night, and it has nothing to do with you. Don’t get offended or upset about it. Instead, let them smoke, hand them a beer, and feed them. The person you fell in love with will return eventually. Most waiters deal with these bad days in two ways: they either come home and whine and bitch and scream about it, in which case you just follow the above advice. Or they refuse to talk about it and suffer in silence until said beer, cigarette, and food have been utilized. In that case, don’t force them to talk about their day and relive it all over again, and don’t get offended that they don’t want to share. Again, it’s not about you. They just don’t want to ever think about what happened ever again. These bad moods are fleeting, and they’ll be grateful to you for being so understanding. Bonus points for you.

Accept that you just don’t know.

You love your waiter, and therefore you want to be involved and supportive in their life. That is great, and for the most part you’ll be able to provide that. However, unless you have been or are currently a waiter, you are never going to fully understand that part of their life. Don’t take offense. My guy has no idea what it’s like to be an office admin. Waiters have a culture all their own, and it’s one that you just won’t “get”. That’s OK, though. You have plenty of other more important and interesting things to talk about anyway.