As I near age 30, I look back at myself throughout my teenage years and literally fucking cringe. Although completely normal, I was a serious hot mess. If I could go back in time, sit myself down, and have a serious man to man talk with myself, here's what I would say:
At 13: I know you're totally embarrassed by your family and hate hanging out with them. That's normal and I wouldn't ask you to change it. But please, treasure them. In a few years that family will no longer be whole and your heart will break.
Also, yes the internet is a new and wonderful thing, but just be careful mm'kay?
Don't listen to the bullies. They're mean spirited and they will crush that very thing that makes you, YOU. You are a bright, funny, unique person and if you let them get to you, it's going to hurt you for a long long time. Lean on your friends because they love you and they'll help you get through it.
At 14: You can't have a new best friend every 2 months. One night of uncontrollable laughter and pixie sticks does not equate a best friend. Similarly, one disagreement over something trivial doesn't mean the bestie-ship is over. You CAN have more than one best friend, as each person brings a different and awesome thing to the friendship. This is something I didn't learn until MUCH later in life and it's caused a lot of problems. Also, it is perfectly fine and normal to have crushes on girls. PLEASE, for the love of all that is holy, don't suppress it because your religious upbringing says it's wrong. It's not! Love yourself, and remember that love knows no gender and if you want to ask that girl to the dance, DO IT! Many people love both boys and girls, and the longer you deny that this is you, the more bitter you will be when you're older.
DO YOUR HOMEWORK!! I know your lame parents seem like they hate you for making you do it, but this really is teaching you valuable lessons for later in life. It's not the actual lesson material, it's teaching you about deadlines and being responsible in making them. I still haven't learned how to do this properly.
At 15: Not every boy you encounter is your dream guy. GURL STOP. YOU DID NOT FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM. You are 14 and your hormones are raging and all you see are boys (and girls, see above) around you. Please be more selective.
Don't count the lines in the plays you are cast in. Don't be miserable for too long when you DON'T get a part in the plays. Disappointment is a part of life even for adults. Learn to channel those feelings into kicking ass the next time around. ALSO, that guy you keep making out with backstage? He's a douche and as soon as the play is over he'll want no part of you. Kick him to the curb, right now.
At 16: This move to Oregon is going to be the best thing that ever happened to you. I'm so glad you are excited for this change. Don't lose touch with the people you left behind though, otherwise it will take YEARS to get back in contact with them and you'll have lost a lot in that time. It's called social networking and it's at least 5 years away still.
When you get to your new school, you will get sucked in to the "I don't care what anyone thinks so much, that I'm going to make every effort I can to show them how NOT like them I am."
Now, while I totally get this mindset and support it wholeheartedly, your method of approach makes you look like a fool. I love how unique you are and how you have no desire to fit in with the popular crowd. That is such a great personality trait to have. But do not let it define your life. Keep dancing, making art, loving, living, and really HONESTLY do not care what people say about you.
Get off your ass! For God's sake stop lounging around eating marionberry pie in your room and do something active. Your metabolism is still at its peak and if you let it go to waste now, you'll have a hell of a time keeping weight off as an adult.
Listen to your mom. She's right. About everything.
At 17: Alright, almost an adult now. You are becoming more aware of the life outside of your little high school bubble. You are starting to see the world for how it really is. You'll be graduating high school this year.
You met your future husband over the summer. I honestly don't know what to tell you here. On one hand, I want to tell you to run, fast, the other way, and don't look back. On the other hand, I believe your experience with this will shape who you are and how you deal with life from now on. I really do think you love him, for now. I guess just be careful. Let the guy down easy in a couple of years. Don't leave him in the same way I did. And don't start dating again until the process is long over, otherwise you'll introduce drama that will make things so much worse.
Find a job right after graduating. You'll move out of the house the minute you turn 18 and not having a job will mean living in your car and then couch surfing in some very uncomfortable situations until you can get that first apartment.
This is the year you'll go to France. And I have to say this is my biggest regret: Take LOTS OF PICTURES! Keep a journal and document every little thing you do. You have a terrible memory and everything you did will fade away until you are left with scraps. And don't puss out because you're sick and sit in the hotel while everyone else goes to the top of the Eiffel Tower. That is an idiotic thing to do.
At 18: Guess what? You STILL don't know everything. You think you know all about how life works and what your plan is, but you won't have it figured out even at 30. Life is a continuous surprise... don't nail down your future or commit to any ideas right now because they can (and should!) change. And don't judge others who are travelling on a different life path or think THEY know everything. Don't say the things you are thinking in your head, and just remember everyone has a different future set for them.
At 19: Happy Marriage! Or not... that's for a future date. Right now, learn as much as you can about living life on your own. You are still struggling to figure it out. Get it together. Pay your damn bills on time. Watch your credit closely and DO EVERYTHING you can to keep it in good standing. Even if it means not spending money on things you want for awhile. Your credit will come back to haunt you again and again, and you are already setting bad spending habits for yourself. Save that shit, stop buying crap because guess what? You won't even know where it is 5 years from now.
So that's pretty much the best advice I can give. Most of it is all stuff I wish I had paid attention to when I was younger because it would have helped me set better habits for myself as an adult. I'm sure 10 years from now I'll be writing the same open letter to my 20's self, but if we're being honest here, I really do know everything. :-)
Peace out.
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