The public bathroom...
This is the world's most awkward location in a girl's life. She goes in to the bathroom for her daily afternoon constitutional to find it pleasantly empty. Good. She can now poop in peace. Most of the time, she's able to finish her business, wash her hands, and be on her merry way. Occasionally, however, the situation changes drastically, and has the potential to totally ruin her day and possibly many days following.
1. There is someone already in the bathroom. This initiates the poop standoff. How long has this person been in here? She doesn't know. So she enters the stall, sits down, and patiently waits for the other party to finish. This can be troublesome, however, because if she waits too long to get started, the other party hears the deafening silence that indicates she is waiting for something. It becomes painfully obvious what she is about to do. Not to mention the rogue toot that may escape, due to the seated position she is in, that will only further her embarrassment. She can only hope that person is almost done and will exit the bathroom quickly, never the wiser of the disgusting action about to take place in the adjacent stall. The standoff happens when the first person is already in there for the same reason, and neither one of them wants the other to know what she is doing.
"GET OUT ALREADY!"
2. There is no one in the bathroom, hallelujah! She begins her deed, but to her dismay, someone comes in halfway through. Now what? She can't continue, no way. The other person will HEAR what is happening, and god forbid SMELL it. All she can do is fervently wish that the other person will get in, get out, and get going so she doesn't have to hold it in any longer, and hope they other person doesn't get a good look at her shoes, thereby confirming her identity. She can try to force out the rest, exit the stall and wash her hands with lightening speed, intending to get the fuck out of there before the other person is done, but this is rarely successful. In a work environment, she now has to LOOK at the person who just heard her pooping, every day, and pretend like nothing unladylike ever happened
"Seriously? You had to come in NOW?!"
3. The last awkward situation here is when a girl enters the bathroom to discover, with horror, the person who is already there is pooping. Most girls are sensitive to each other, we don't want to embarrass or humiliate another female if we have no previous qualms with them. There is a silent, mutual agreement that happens here. The non pooper should not look at the shoes of the pooper, and in so doing discover who she is. She should also conduct her business as swiftly as possible to give the pooper a chance to pretend she's only in there peeing. The non pooper knows, of course, that's not the case. But if she doesn't know the pooper's identity, the pooper can remain safely anonymous in the work place. Occasionally, we run across that one woman that has abolutely no issues pooping with other women in the bathroom. That woman is awkward. Always. I hate it when I'm doing my thing while the other person is in the other stall, loudly and unabashedly eliminating yesterday's dinner, and then I'm having to awkwardly avoid looking at her while we're both washing our hands. I have to cauterize that image out of my brain, as it is.
