But every now and then, Rowan mutters something so inherently evil, I laugh nervously while secretly wondering if I need to start saving up for therapy. Or possibly start checking his closet for bodies.
You see, Rowan, being five (and/or the product of my DNA) has a flair for the dramatic. You tell him he can't have some Halloween candy, he throws his hands up in the air and says he's throwing it all away. You tell him he can't put a puzzle together because it's bed time, he says he will NEVER EVER EVER do puzzles EVER AGAIN.
I may or may not have uttered very similar phrases myself, and I'm 30 damn years old.
Last week, as I was getting myself and Rowan ready for the day, I gave him some juice and some cereal and instructed him to eat it before we left. I gave him fair warning. When it came to go time, however, he hadn't finished either one and we had a grade A meltdown before we even walked out the door.
As I was driving him to school, he had finished his meltdown but was sitting in his seat, silently sulking.
From the backseat, I heard him murmur "I will destroy the world."
WHAT THE FLYING FUCK.
The scariest thing about this statement, is that he did not scream it at me in typical preschooler fashion. No, he silently stared out the window for a minute, and then that phrase came floating up from the backseat, gripping me in terror.
Just today, I had made plans with a friend to meet for breakfast. All would have been well, except she was asleep and not answering her phone by the time I pulled up in front of her house. I sat outside in my car, texting her, but eventually gave up.
Rowan was not happy about this. He loves this particular friend, and was really excited to see her.
I tried to explain to him that she was probably still asleep, and we could maybe come back some other time.
To which he replied "I'm going to burn their house to the ground."
**blink**
Once again, he said it in his serial killer voice, while staring maliciously out the window.
I'm not sure what to do here. We had a talk about threatening violence upon others, and I've explained to him how WRONG that is... but he just smiled and said:
"Just joking, mom."
